It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realising that there are many things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realising that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don’t recognise is that they are realising that too, and aren’t really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.
You look at your job… and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realising that
you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.
Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realise that
you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn’t. One minute,
you are insecure and then the next, secure.
You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and
cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realise that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay
where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can’t meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren’t a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot don’t seem as fun.
You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about the future and making a life for yourself… and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to
be a contender!
Currently feeling: unfocussed
